RichRock : Running Free

Well, having upgraded to a digital camera, I’m having all sorts of photographic fun. Check out the photography page, as there’s a couple of new pic’s I took last night and today…

I’ll admit I’m a total bloke when it comes to Christmas. I haven’t done any shopping. Yet. I’ve got to get it done this week for two reasons:

1 - It’s Christmas next week.
2 - I’m off to the girlfriend’s on Saturday.

So, with that in mind, I have to get a list of things for Christmas that can be purchased locally. At least I don’t have to worry about parents until after Christmas, as they’re away Christmas week.

Of course, there should be something special for the babe, as the first thing she said when I asked ages ago was ‘Dressing Gown’. How awfully practical dear… At least it was a suggestion, which is better than ‘I don’t know darling, why don’t you surprise me?’ Words like these must strike dread in the minds of many blokes. This can be interpreted as ‘Whatever you get me won’t fit/be the right colour/completely useless/the third one I’ve had this year….

It misses the point of Christmas. Sure gifts are good, and the adage ‘Tis better to give than to receive’ rings true. Our gift-giving should be a reflection of the gift God gave us. (If you’re thinking life, well close, but no cigar). Christmas is a remembrance of Jesus, God’s gift of salvation to mankind. He came to earth human as you or I, and lived among us until that fateful day when He paid the price for our sin. Jesus did not appear out of thin air (well, except the immaculate conception bit) and suddenly just go ‘Right - sin. Paid for. I’m off on holiday.’ No. He lived as we did, sharing our lives, as now He still does, resurrected. But I’ll come to that at easter.

So Christmas, giving of gifts with love, not with the value and size, is more important. I’ve noticed that when my folks give me my Christmas presents, occasionally the smallest gift is the most awesome.

If I don’t blog before the day, merry Christmas y’all.

As you can imagine, yes. I am slightly (!) stressed. When I was at my girlfriend’s over the weekend, I found out my blood pressure had gone up, now at 140/100!! To me, that’s alarmingly high. I an anxious, feeling some effects of depression, and agitated a lot. Is it my job? My circumstances? My life? Probably a combination of all three. With the recent events of my girlfriend’s hospital visit, some high-pressure web dev jobs, and home pressures, no wonder things are through the roof.

I haven’t even thought about christmas yet. And I was supposed to be serving at the Christmas Carol Concert at church, but I’m working. I hate working Sundays. I hate working weekends full stop. Occasionally, I somtetimes wish I was back in retail. I know this doesn’t post a rosy picture of being a web developer, and I am sorry for that. But I just have the feeling at the moment that I am sinking fast. I entered this profession not actually being trained, so I was already on the slow starter then. My experience of web design was modding a few templates, let alone developing an e-commerce site using database driven Content Management Systems.

What to do? I’m uploading an incomplete site to use for a training day tomorrow. Do I feel happy about that? No. Do I have enough time to finish it. No, not unless I don’t sleep. But I have enough difficulty with sleep. 3pm this afternoon felt like 11pm at night to me. At the moment I feel like I’m in quicksand. I need to find a way out.

And I’m not sure which way *is* out…

BTW - this is in no way a slur - it’s a comment on my personal state of mind. I am aware that things are tough, and there is the prospect of improvement.

I’ve finally recovered my hearing aid. For those who don’t know, I am technically one of the many hard-of-hearing people in the UK. I am practically deaf in my left ear, and have some loss in my right. I have a Siemens Prisma digital hearing aid, which is great. It’s way more accurate than the old analogue ones, as they only just about covered the dynamic range that was required. This one is programmed to replicate the dynamic range that my hearing has lost. With some new batteries, I hear again!

Of course, maybe those who read this blog regularly realise that I am a: a Christian and as such b: believe in a God who can heal. So why not my ears? Well, God has healed them in one respect - I was given a hearing expectancy of 5-7 years. 11 years ago. Not something I could ‘fight’ like a disease, so increasing the odds of this ‘miracle’ as some might put it.

So if God chooses to complete this then that’s great. Until then, I’m grateful to Him that I am not deaf. However, I would accept my lot in that respect. Before the flame wars start, I do have some deaf friends, and in no way are they jealous of my hearing. I am in awe of those who once heard things and now do not. Unlike the old saying: ‘It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.’

For those into the deeper sounds of ambience, I have uploaded my old Drone Mix. Available from the Audio page, this is a compiled mix mostly of drones from the Drone Download Project.
Free to download and listen to. The run time is 1:05:24, so it can be put on a CDR. I compiled and layered this a couple of years ago, and my favourite track is at the end, the last 7′ or so.

As I sit here, pondering my life, I realise I have a beautiful view outside. Tall, majestic clouds float past the Blorenge, a mountain I have an uninterrupted view of from my windows. In the summer, everything is a vibrant green, but in the autumn, it all turns a fiery red. I watch the trees lose their leaves, and the mountian turn brown. When the sun comes, like today, it has moments of fiery red.
Why am I writing this, you may ask? Well, it’s like this:
Autumn is not a depressing time. Think about the trees - they go through the annual cycle of growth and rest. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”

So as the trees go through the cycle of the seasons as dictated to them from the very beginning, we see that they go through a process of renewal and strengthening each time. Whenever I see the trees lose their leaves, I realise that they will grow again in the spring, and become stronger for having been through the whole process.
So it is with us. We are people who will go through difficult times, where we cannot sleep, cannot rest or relax, and it feels as though the weight of the world is upon our shoulders. Jesus never came to say ‘Rest up guys (and gals), you don’t ever have to stress about anything ever again’. Now he did say not to worry about tomorrow, and to cast our burdens onto Him, and to be honest, quite often I feel guilty that I should have to do such a thing. So now I find myself in a personal Autumn where the pressures are great, maybe of my own making - but that’s not the problem here, it is the finding of the solutions that we need. In the process of casting burdens, we find ourselves in a clearer position, similar to winter air, which is crystal clear compared to the haze of summer. Only then can we see clearly, and be revealed the solutions to issues, or the path we should take. Yes, the days are shorter, and nights dark, and this gives us the cosy feeling in the evenings when we have the fire burning (if you’re old scholl like me) and you’re sat all cosy on the sofa. After the darkness of a winter, comes the fresh spring. Spring is awesome because the trees grow their leaves once more, flowers bloom, and life seems anew.
I can’t wait for my spring to come. Too long have I waited in the darkness of winter.

God has blessed me with so much, and for that I am grateful. As mentioned in “The Matrix : Reloaded” -
“That went badly”
“No it did not”
“Why?”
“Because we are still alive”

So it is. I am still alive, despite all the hustle and bustle of modern living. Slowly I am growing to dislike the pace of modern life, even despite living in what many would define as a ‘rural market town’. Occasionally I wish I never knew a thing about computers. That is true. Still, God knows exactly what He’s doing, and it’s ok by me.

The photo above was taken around 2000, at the start of the autumn season, and shows heavy clouds on the blorenge. Scanned from a dusty negative, taken with a dirt cheap film camera. Obviously, it’s been cropped to fit the whole theme of this site.