I need to get this out of my system. Last night was my send off from all the guys and gals from my old workplace. I’d cooked for two hours straight, doing steak & chips, a yearly event for me. Then we went out to the pubbe (ref : Bill Bailey). And it was all good. But then I had another depressive episode, I’m not sure if it was just my sugars crashing due to alchohol, but I hit the bottom very quickly as people were going.
It’s a dangerous thing to have happen. You’re leaving your mates for another place, you’ve known some up to 10 years, and you feel like crap. Not because of those things previously mentioned, but because this new year has been a slight bummer for me personally. This year is now 15 years without any hope of a relationship with some ‘babe’ out there. Obviously, being a man of faith does make these things slightly more awkward, limiting choice soemwhat, and these just add pressure to this volatile situation.
Let’s put it like this : For all my posturing, saying “I’m fine being on my own, it’s not a problem. If it happens, it happens, if not, then that’s ok too.”, is not me at all. I’m so tired of being on my own, not having someone to love, be with whatever. However, knowing my luck in attracting all wierd and bizarre personalities in my life, I’ll have a real doozy to deal with.
I guess I’m struggling to understand how it all works.
Maybe one day, hopefully this year…